This post is going to be one of the most personal and detailed posts I have ever written. For one thing, it's been a life changing week. So, I want to make sure and post everything that has happened in order to remember it.
Where to start.... oh yes... on Friday, March 16th, we started the morning off by a big breakfast at Cracker Barrel at 6 am, then we went to the hospital to begin the induction of little Miss Zoe. They started me on the cervix softener and I took two doses of that before I really made great progress. Because of gestational diabetes, the doctor really wanted us to consider inducing on, or right before, her due date. She was a big little girl, and waiting past due dates could cause me more danger, and her. I was nervous about this, but knowing that she was full term and healthy gave me a peace about everything, plus the fact that I had been having pain and contractions already. :) So, Friday evening they began the induction drug to help me get more consistent contractions going. I was dilated to around 3-4 and my water naturally broke at 11:30 pm. Talk about the weirdest feeling ever! I was lying there and started yelling at Chris to wake up because I was leaking all over the place! ha, I didn't know what it was... we called the nurse in and she explained that it would and could happen for a while longer. I had no idea that there was that much fluid in there! Anyway, with this happening naturally, the contractions came pretty strong. I did my best to make it through several more hours of PAIN and contractions until about 3 or 4 am. At this point, I needed the epidural. I knew it would take the doctor a little bit to get the epidural to me,so I went ahead and called for it! After the epidural, things started to feel more manageable. I again, allowed for more contractions and was quickly dilated to 8 for a bit. After this, things started going pretty quickly... I know, quick really doesn't seem like the right word since this has been almost 24 hours of labor already! At the 24 hour mark, which was 7 am, we started pushing. And oh did we push! My mom had one leg, Chris had the other, and the doctor and nurse were doing all that they could, too. I was anxious because they kept telling me that they could see and touch her head full of hair. Why wasn't she coming out!!!??? Things got a little stressful as I looked at my doctor's face. I, at that very moment, knew something was wrong.
At this moment, after a couple hours of intense pushing and ripping/tugging, the doctor looked at me and said, "I'm so sorry Amber, she isn't going to be able to come out. Your pelvic bones aren't going to allow it and we need to prep you for an emergency c-section." Anything that I was feeling physically went away and I just began to cry. I don't really have the feelings of not getting to have her vaginally, but more of just being SO close to her, and then not happening. I had the immediate feelings of inadequacy, like, why can't my body do this? Being so close was also most of the disappointment. The struggle of 24 hours was about to become a lot longer, and I had NO idea what was to come. Plus, just the natural fear of surgery; for me and Zoe. Before this experience, I had never been in a hospital for me, or taken meds stronger than Tylenol, ib prof, and benadryl. lol. I think God made me have a sense of peace when he had the doctor tell me that this would have happened if I hadn't induced also. ( Because God knows I analyze and guilt myself about everything!) This was going to happen regardless, and the doctor actually said it was a good thing we didn't wait because it could have been worse had she been any bigger.
So, they tell my mom she has to leave, which made us both cry. Then, they tell Chris he can't go with me. They wheeled me down the hallway to the OR C-section room. Chris finally was able to come in beside me after I was prepped. As I lay there with a sheet on, I continued to cry. Mainly because I couldn't see my little girl being born. I didn't know if she was ok, I didn't know what the hell was going on... and I was scared! The absolute raw emotion was there... the most raw I have ever felt. I looked at Chris as I lay there and I could tell he was pretty freaked, too. After about 10 minutes, she was out. I heard her cry, and they let me see her up above my sheet.
Chris left me and went to be with her, weighed her, and all the things that I wanted to be doing as well. The nurses were so kind to let me see as much as I could. One lady stood right beside me holding my vomiting pan ( and yes, I was sick through it all!), and then another lady held the curtain up for me to see my girl. As I type this I am bawling like a baby because it was just the most "out of body" experience. Every ounce of me wanted to jump off the bed and join the "party". But, I couldn't, so I lay there and just tried to process what was happening. She was born at 10:13am on March 17, weighing in at 8 lbs 4.8 ounces, and 20.5 inches long. She had a pretty little head full of light brown hair. She.was.perfect. Our little "lucky charm"!
I was taken to a private recovery room for two hours. They let Chris bring our baby in to me, and I was able to feed her and hold her for the first time.... I was having high blood pressure (of course!), and I was still unable to keep any fluids down. So, they had me hooked up to a bunch of stuff, fluids included, as well as several meds I am sure. But, I didn't care as I held her... she was SO cute! And I know when I see ugly babies, and she was not and ugly baby. :) Chris and I both looked at each other and talked about how pretty she was. Ahhhh..... everything was ok.... at that moment.
Ok, where to go from here... I got to go back to my room. I was on so many things that I couldn't feel the pain, YET. Then, just realizing what all had happened completely overwhelmed me. Thank the Lord for my mom and Chris. Seriously. In fact, I have never been so thankful. To have to be completely taken care of, dressed, bathed, cleaned up after, etc..... humbling. So, this was the first day or two. Then, I think I started to feel like a person again. I was having the nurses bring me Zoe every two hours to feed. I was determined to do this, even if I felt horrible. I did it, and I had every lactation consultant feeling me up for the days I was there! haha! I didn't care, I was determined to figure out this breast feeding thing, and learn all I could before I left. Of course, some of these people were a little "coookooo", but, I took their advice and then did what worked for us. I got pretty comfortable with everyone seeing everything... guess it's true what other moms have told me. "Nothing is private anymore!"
We got to go home on Monday, getting home about 5pm. Then, we got home to have a wonderful clean house and roast cooked! yay mom! Thank you!
At this point, we were "officially" home and on our own as parents! EEEKKK! :)
I felt decent at this point, and Monday night we played the "shift taking" and took care of our little girl. On Tuesday, I was ok, but still feeling really sore in all areas. That night I started having pains, that the meds weren't helping. Some in my rib area, and in my shoulder. We went to the scheduled appointment Wednesday, and my blood pressure was up, but they didn't seem alarmed. I got my staples removed, which didn't hurt too bad. So, then we headed to Zoe's first pediatrician visit. She was checked and they said everything looked great. After this, we headed home.
Because that night was our 3 year anniversary, we fed Zoe, and then quickly ran to eat out by ourselves... although we talked about her the entire hour or so that we were gone. :) My mom kept her, and everything was fine. I was way too tired, and honestly overdid it this day. I began having a horrible headache, and thought I just needed to sleep. I pumped and was able to get her through the night for Chris and my mom to feed her, in order for me to try and get some sleep and recover... I thought!
Thursday morning I woke up, still having the worst migraine ever! I began to throw up, and couldn't keep anything down. I called the OB and she said to double my pain pill that they had me on, and to drink a lot of caffeine... and SLEEP. Of course, this knocked me out, and I was hopeful to wake up pain free. I woke up later in the day, stood up, and it all came back. Pain, throwing up, dizzy..... scared to death!
Chris rushed me to the ER Thursday night, which was also when we had friends coming over to bring us dinner.... Thanks Kristin and Matt for staying with my mom and Zoe! We got to the ER and they took my name and blood pressure, info, etc. The nurses bumped me up on the list, which alarmed me and Chris a little. They got me back in a room pretty quickly, even though we didn't see the doctor for over an hour. Things weren't looking so good, so they ran a few labs and tests. He came back in and informed up that he thinks there might be some spinal leakage from the trauma of labor and c-section.... somewhere between that epidural occurring. Anyway, he wasn't sure, but he wanted to try to do some natural things first. They kept me there until my blood pressure was stable, and then he gave me some tips and things to try. We tried to sleep through the night, but on Friday morning, we gave back in. My head was pounding, I couldn't hold my baby, and it was bad. We called the OB again, and she said to head to the hospital asap. When we got there, they admitted me and got me prepped for another procedure. It was to patch my spinal leaks, if there were some. They took me back and did the needle work... one funny thing that kept me focused as they were sticking needles in me was the fact that my boobs were leaking all over the place! I told the nurse, "You might want to let me keep my bra on, it's feeding time for my baby, and we are obviously ready!" She just laughed and said I was a great patient... :) So, the blood was taken and injected into my spine. I had to stay flat for a hour, and then I got to go back to see Chris in my room. Then, I came home Friday night, pumped, ate a little, and went to sleep. I immediately started feeling a little better, just some spinal pressure and pain. My head is currently better, and today ( Saturday) I am feeling more normal than I have been yet! I got up and fed my sweet little munchkin, and am enjoying a low key, restful day. Today is Zoe's one week birthday~ and oh, what a week it has been!
And here we are... in the OR. Our first family picture!
