Trust....

So this past week we have had such a great time with both families for the holidays. I am 28 1/2 weeks now... which still blows me away. Over this 28th week I had a HUGE belly growth spurt! And it wasn't from Christmas dinner either! (Although I am sure that eating those mashed potatoes and green bean bundles helped a little.) It was almost like what they say happens... the overnight growth! I saw my mom a week before we came to her house and she could already tell the big difference. Zoe also sticks her feet, butt, or knees out alot... I can't tell what's sticking out! lol. All I see is a lump stick out across my belly and roll around. :) I love it. I want her to move all she wants, and when she doesn't I feel nervous.

This week has been a little discouraging, specifically yesterday. I have been emotionally and physically challenged with my health this pregnancy. It's not that I am being told I am unhealthy at all, it's just that I feel like I am because I have had so many struggles. Being super sick each day, except for when the medicine works, took a mental toll on me. I constantly felt like I was to blame for this... although I absolutely would never willingly do it! And then, recently the anemic issues and the failing of the glucose tolerance test just sent me over the edge! The doctor is going to call me back to explain more, but I can't understand how I could have gestational diabetes when i am a healthy eater, etc. So, the title of this blog post is trust.... for a reason.

I feel like as a woman and a soon to be mom, I am trying to take on everything. I want to be as healthy as I can for Zoe, and all of these negative results causes me to feel like a failure. ( Which deep down I know is not true!) But, last night after we had spent the whole day pretty much at the hospital for all of my blood work I was just emotional. So, I came home and was laying on the couch and I listened to some worship music and just started to cry. ( And yes, hormones are in full swing, too!) I just started to spiral and then I realized that I have NO control over some things that happen... and that I have to begin to trust GOD . Trust in all situations! This is obviously a struggle because I tend to want to know all the answers to problems, how can I solve this now, what can I do to prevent that, etc. So... I now sit here writing this because I want to remember the struggles that I went through, and be able to know that God is faithful and has His hand over me and this baby I am growing inside me. It's not been an easy journey, but I really am learning and growing as a person and a soon to be mommy. I can't wait to have Zoe in our arms. I am TRUSTING that she will be healthy and that I will be healthy for her. Thank you Jesus for allowing us to be pregnant and for blessing us already with this little girly. Can't wait to meet her in March 2012! ( Or whenever she decides to come!)